people are so sensitive, and if not that, then they're mean... I just can't stand people! why do they have to be so judgemental? or anything!
just... AHHH!!! they all drive me out of my mind!! I don't know who's a friend or an enemy anymore! peple who once said they'd be there for me have run away, not just left, but ran... it's not like I'm some kinda freak... at least in my eyes I'm not, but people who I thought were going to be my best friend until the end of time won't talk to me in public because I'm not "cool" enough, or something like that. what I also don't understand is why I can't trust anymore, I don't trust a single soul except for myself, sure, I've confided my deepest secrets in some people, but I "trust" them, no, nothing has slipped up, but I... GRRR!!! there's no point in writing this! no-one's gonna see pain, no-one's gonna see past my plastered smile... friends have tried, but barely, none of them ever take me seriously... 'cause I'm just some fool who's always supposed to be fun loving and jubilant... probably fat people are supposed to be jolly... Ugh... people make me sick. I should be an actress when I grow older... I've faked my smile for so long, no-one sees... and I hate being invisible... I could walk up in someone's face and scream loud enough to wake the dead and they wouldn't even acknowledge the fact I'm standing in their way... (I hope my parents aren't reading this, and if they are, I'm fine, and I don't need to talk to you, but thanks for you concern) when i say I'm fine, I really am, but at the same time I'm not... I can't explain it. But people grate on my nerves everyday... "preps" what terrible people, they're the ones who refuse to see me... it's as if only my few friends have some sort of rare ability to see me... and now I sound self-centered... great... but I WANT to be seen, I WANT to be heard... it's just so terrible, I'm writing this and no-one but strangers are going to read it... I can't talk to my friends... though they "care" I just can't, because they'll expect it to turn to rainbows and butterflies... when it's actually just not good, that's all I need to say, not good... Now, as I said before, I'm normal, I'm not deeply disturbed about something as to where I will become a bad person or never talk again, I just get really down about this sorta thing... just so it's known... anyway, I'm done with people, gave-up, because people have given up on me so I refuse to even try to cope with their stupidity, and I'm not saying I'm better or that I'm smarter, but people can be so dense, so unable to see real people or real situations, they just live their lives happily unaware of the REAL world, because they've become oblivious to the outside world... I don't know what to do anymore, there is no point in writing this, no-one REALLY cares... but I have one question, do you know what I wan't most out of life right now? I want a friend to look me in the eyes when I say I'm fine and ask "now tell me what's REALLY bothering you." or something like that.. some could even consider it a birthday present... anyway, thanks for reading this, sorry I wasted your time going in circles about the same thing...